I was diagnosed with depression last year. And after seeing a psychiatrist for a while, was further diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder). The psychiatrist recommended I read “The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide”. As I read it I found myself relating to what was written. The book allowed me to reflect on my own feelings and thoughts. When I was at school I noticed myself feeling empty/numb, as if I was different from everyone else. I always seemed to say things and think completely differently to everyone else. As the years went on my symptoms progressed – I lacked motivation to do anything, I started to go out most nights and party hard. And in the past couple of years I started to ‘check out’/dissociate. When I hit crisis point I didn’t even know what I was doing – I was doing anything and everything I could to stop myself thinking and feeling the way I was. That was when medical interventions took place, and thankfully saved my life.
Since hitting rock bottom I have tried really hard to pull myself out of this dark place and to try to change my life for the better. I have been on various anti-depressants but they don’t seem to work, so I am trying other numerous coping strategies – walking my dog, eating better, running, baking and blogging. The best thing I have done to help myself was getting Mae (my dog) last year – she snuggles with me on bad days, and having the responsibility of having to get up in the morning, feeding her and walking her keeps me going every day. Last month I signed myself up to run a half marathon for Blurt Foundation in October, which acts as a goal for me to reach. In the last couple of months I have set up a blog where I mainly write up recipes but I also ponder about random things. Take a look… I am currently awaiting CBT treatment, and hope that it will help me finally beat my depression and BPD.
I hope that by speaking out about my mental illness I can help others to do the same.