That is soooo much like my family. I am "lucky" that I live far away from them (really far away) and not in touch with them too much. Only way to move on with my life.
I just wanted to say one thing here.. You say that to "feel is anger and hurt and I know thats not healthy". They are just feelings you NEED to feel. It would be unhealthy to bury it all and pretend it is not there. You have all right in the world to feel angry and hurt, so let these feelings flow, you will feel better than considering there feelings bad or unhealthy.
My family still hurts me, but as I don't see them often, and keep in touch very little (just emails, a message here and there on facebook etc), and I am happier this way. I have a more than wonderful husband, great kids, so I am moving forward.
As Huwbert mentioned above, you are moving forward and your family is not. That is what happens to me too. I have been in therapy now for about 5 years and I still find bits here and there about my parents that hurt me like hell. I do feel angry and I do what I can to let it all out. Enough of pretending that "all is well"
I hope you will manage to cope with this blow - it is not easy