hi folks, am late to join this thread but just wanted to say I so relate to everything in it. I am currently off my work but that is because two of my staff (I am a Director) have complained about me, mainly about my changeable moods, and accused me of being a bully. I am bipolar one.
Ellie, I am far from an expert having been diagnosed only last year but the way you describe some of your feelings does suggest you may be bipolar, and it might be worth asking your GP that, do you see anyone from the mental health team, if so you could ask them too. There are different forms of BP, you dont have to have a full blown mania to fall into the category, but you can have elevated moods which are called hypomanic. If you get a different diagnosis then you may need a medication change in order to help keep your mood balanced.
I know too well about the drink thing too. Far too well. I have completely cut it out because I just cant trust myself with it. Far easier to say you are teetotal than to try and manage to stop after a few. you dont have to explain why to anyone if you dont want to.
Great news that your work are being supportive and appropriate with you Kaz.
Re work it is a hard one to call about how many people you let know of your condition as you dont want to be judged or pitied by anyone. There is such a stigma still against mental illness. If it was a cardiac condition or cancer there would not be the same judgements made.