Alone, depressed, zero quality of life.

Well said princessTATTOO agree with everything you said, and it made me chuckle. I like the day 1invent a cure for stupidity etc

I hope to learn to communicate with zebras one day.

its a patriarchal world we live in which oppresses everyone and it sucks ass but English culture is very hard on people who express emotions other than "nice weather today", you can see people in other countries wailing and screaming unashamedly in public over the death of someone they loved and English people and countries with a similar culture get put on antidepressants, its not always us that are fucked up, its not easy to be a sensitive emotional person in a land of generic shopping robots

I was bought up with parents who do not talk about emotions. As a 4 year old being upset by whatever being told to stop crying immediately is not the answer. We are trained from children to force down what we are feeling for no other reason for what i assume to be an unwillingness to learn and cope with emotions of other people because we simply refuse to address our own emotions resulting in a vicious cycle. I certainly won't be bringing my daughter up to suppress anything she is feeling but instead to own it and understand it. We feel for a reason. And sometimes we just need to be told 'It's OK to feel like this' and lets face it, it really IS ok to feel shitty. Often it's a chain reaction to anothers words and/or actions and we instead supress what we really want to do (like wail in the street because we have lost a loved one) and let it build up into a big ugly long dark black dog fog that eats away at us every day.

Also... I have no idea where that came from but my fingers started typing so I went with it lol

Hi,
Have you thought about leaving London? You have no friends there and it is a really impersonal place. What about a smaller city? A shared house with English speakers?

Although you've started on citolopram 20mg it is a starting dose and it should be increased by 20mg fortnightly as tolerated until you feel better up to 120 mg.

Most people are out on 20mg and left to it. 20mg is a very small dose.

I've lived in derby all my life and trying to make friends is very difficult. Especially if we suffer depression too.

As for your friend, I had one like that and she was toxic. I was glad to be rid of her!!!

Hi,
Have you thought about leaving London? You have no friends there and it is a really impersonal place. What about a smaller city? A shared house with English speakers?

Although you've started on citolopram 20mg it is a starting dose and it should be increased by 20mg fortnightly as tolerated until you feel better up to 120 mg.

Most people are out on 20mg and left to it. 20mg is a very small dose.

I've lived in derby all my life and trying to make friends is very difficult. Especially if we suffer depression too.

As for your friend, I had one like that and she was toxic. I was glad to be rid of her!!!

I was bought up with parents who do not talk about emotions. As a 4 year old being upset by whatever being told to stop crying immediately is not the answer. We are trained from children to force down what we are feeling for no other reason for what i assume to be an unwillingness to learn and cope with emotions of other people because we simply refuse to address our own emotions resulting in a vicious cycle. I certainly won't be bringing my daughter up to suppress anything she is feeling but instead to own it and understand it. We feel for a reason. And sometimes we just need to be told 'It's OK to feel like this' and lets face it, it really IS ok to feel shitty. Often it's a chain reaction to anothers words and/or actions and we instead supress what we really want to do (like wail in the street because we have lost a loved one) and let it build up into a big ugly long dark black dog fog that eats away at us every day.

Also... I have no idea where that came from but my fingers started typing so I went with it lol

Yep I have parents who do not respond to crying as a child or an adult, I just learnt that people are people and even your own family who on occasions make you feel like an alien are not always right and actually can be very emotionally stunted which i agree is not healthy and i should imagine doesnt help someone who might be developing depression, whether its chemical, obviously it is, but this shit does not help anybody, expression sets the soul free! This is why singing was invented and i bet all the cave people looked at that first person who burst into a tune for sheer joy, of I dont know catching the hottest caveman/girl in town and i bet they all looked at her/him and said "ugg ugg- shut up" Spirituality, song, dancing, emotions, creativity is surely the basis of civilisation- not that i think its that civil as it stands

So yeah dance in the kitchen, cry in the street, ride your bike without a helmet lol just feel something other than this shit called depression

I'm reading a book about compassion by paul Gilbert, in it he says if we are more compassionate we will be less susceptible to anxiety and depression. Well i am a very compassionate person and it's the ones that aren't that make me depressed!!!
I am a nurse and the lack of compassion is astounding!
Indeed the ex friend who slated me and called me a psycho and said I didn't want to get better is a nurse!!
Having said that a bit of tough talking has gotten me out of my pit a couple of times!
It's so hard to break the cycle when you have no courage.

PjHarvey - it's easy to recognise that you have been in the Jehovah's Witnesses Cult. So was I. I know more about it than I can forget.

That means that you are never good enough for God and won't have been allowed normal social interaction via 'Pagan' events like Christmas parties or such 'Idolatrous' occasions as birthday parties. Even attending school assembly is ruled out. A natural reaction against all that crap is to become depressed - of course that shows that your faith is weak and that you are (as the JWs believe) 'letting Satan into your life'. Other things may get in the way - I thought I would be dead by 21 years as I was not good enough to survive Armageddon, forecast by the JWs for 1975. Crazy stuff!

I believe that depression is energy turned inwards - anger is that energy turned outwards. Get angry - then burn that energy by running or joining a martial arts class. Karate is very cathartic - punching and shouting the Ki you can focus your energy outwards. Classes are well run - instructors lose money if their students get injured!. So forget about the drugs - fight the depression.

Good luck