Rob Kemp wrote:Alone again, naturally!
Whilst my Wife may have had her own breakdown 15+ years ago - before we met, she hasn't exactly been as helpful as she thinks she is.
Yes, my 'coming out' as depressed isn't easy but I can't have it being about her - I have (as pointed out by Counsellor) been a people pleaser all my life - I'm 46 end of August 2012..........
Sometimes, I would just like a cuddle and some words of comfort - if she was as enthused with being positive as she is with pointing out all that I do wrong
I would consider our relationship 'balanced' - I'm not lazy, I work hard and do my share of housework.
I am respectful, spontaneously romantic and kind.........she complained of her ex that he neglected her physical needs, now it is she who is doing the same to me. She told my GP (I asked her to come along) that I'm 'Gropey and oversexualised' - in fairness, I only try to kiss the back of her neck, she used to enjoy this, or I gently kiss and caress her in bed to arouse her - again, as we used to during the heady days of love making - we also used to sleep naked but now she's rampantly against it, and even shouted at me when she couldn't find pjs and I suggested going au naturel for a change.
I do miss our intimacy but feel so lonely that I am barely able to receive - at her beckoning control 'hand holding' and 'peck on the cheek'.
I have pondered if she's seeing someone else but I have no proof.
I do feel so terribly lonely. Not just physically, I can't talk about 'ME', the real me, the me who enjoys this and that as she makes fun of my interests.
All too often I self harm or have urges and feel like killing myself every darn day. I even researched how many paracetamol I could take to do the job properly and alcohol of course, I'd then finish with a blade across the veins and drift off. Jumping from on high doesn't appeal - pain and all that!
Knowing my (bad) luck, I'd survive - imagine that? Not even being able to kill yourself properly.
Most of the time, I can see no hope, no light and feel in a tunnel of endless darkness and gloom..............