View topic - Alone, forever ? Dark, eternally?
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Alone, forever ? Dark, eternally?
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Rob Kemp
Alone, forever ? Dark, eternally?
Alone again, naturally!
Whilst my Wife may have had her own breakdown 15+ years ago - before we met, she hasn't exactly been as helpful as she thinks she is.
Yes, my 'coming out' as depressed isn't easy but I can't have it being about her - I have (as pointed out by Counsellor) been a people pleaser all my life - I'm 46 end of August 2012..........
Sometimes, I would just like a cuddle and some words of comfort - if she was as enthused with being positive as she is with pointing out all that I do wrong
I would consider our relationship 'balanced' - I'm not lazy, I work hard and do my share of housework.
I am respectful, spontaneously romantic and kind.........she complained of her ex that he neglected her physical needs, now it is she who is doing the same to me. She told my GP (I asked her to come along) that I'm 'Gropey and oversexualised' - in fairness, I only try to kiss the back of her neck, she used to enjoy this, or I gently kiss and caress her in bed to arouse her - again, as we used to during the heady days of love making - we also used to sleep naked but now she's rampantly against it, and even shouted at me when she couldn't find pjs and I suggested going au naturel for a change.
I do miss our intimacy but feel so lonely that I am barely able to receive - at her beckoning control 'hand holding' and 'peck on the cheek'.
I have pondered if she's seeing someone else but I have no proof.
I do feel so terribly lonely. Not just physically, I can't talk about 'ME', the real me, the me who enjoys this and that as she makes fun of my interests.
All too often I self harm or have urges and feel like killing myself every darn day. I even researched how many paracetamol I could take to do the job properly and alcohol of course, I'd then finish with a blade across the veins and drift off. Jumping from on high doesn't appeal - pain and all that!
Knowing my (bad) luck, I'd survive - imagine that? Not even being able to kill yourself properly.
Most of the time, I can see no hope, no light and feel in a tunnel of endless darkness and gloom..............![[troost]](http://www.blackdogtribe.com/phpBB3/images/smilies/snork_tros.gif "wordt_getroost")
Whilst my Wife may have had her own breakdown 15+ years ago - before we met, she hasn't exactly been as helpful as she thinks she is.
Yes, my 'coming out' as depressed isn't easy but I can't have it being about her - I have (as pointed out by Counsellor) been a people pleaser all my life - I'm 46 end of August 2012..........
Sometimes, I would just like a cuddle and some words of comfort - if she was as enthused with being positive as she is with pointing out all that I do wrong
I would consider our relationship 'balanced' - I'm not lazy, I work hard and do my share of housework.
I am respectful, spontaneously romantic and kind.........she complained of her ex that he neglected her physical needs, now it is she who is doing the same to me. She told my GP (I asked her to come along) that I'm 'Gropey and oversexualised' - in fairness, I only try to kiss the back of her neck, she used to enjoy this, or I gently kiss and caress her in bed to arouse her - again, as we used to during the heady days of love making - we also used to sleep naked but now she's rampantly against it, and even shouted at me when she couldn't find pjs and I suggested going au naturel for a change.
I do miss our intimacy but feel so lonely that I am barely able to receive - at her beckoning control 'hand holding' and 'peck on the cheek'.
I have pondered if she's seeing someone else but I have no proof.
I do feel so terribly lonely. Not just physically, I can't talk about 'ME', the real me, the me who enjoys this and that as she makes fun of my interests.
All too often I self harm or have urges and feel like killing myself every darn day. I even researched how many paracetamol I could take to do the job properly and alcohol of course, I'd then finish with a blade across the veins and drift off. Jumping from on high doesn't appeal - pain and all that!
Knowing my (bad) luck, I'd survive - imagine that? Not even being able to kill yourself properly.
Most of the time, I can see no hope, no light and feel in a tunnel of endless darkness and gloom..............
Just_Me
Re: Alone, forever ? Dark, eternally?
Hey,
I know you're fear about suriving, the fear of being mocked and enable me to prevent myself from self harming although the battle that goes on in my head is nightmarish.
Keep coming on here and keep talking, I have been passed from pillar to post and seem to be managing too well, not applicable for any help and the desire to keep fighting gets rather damp at times. Maybe you need a holiday, time out or maybe a marriage counsellor to just get the truth out as to what is going on, either way, you need answers not drink and a blade, trust me on that one.
I know you're fear about suriving, the fear of being mocked and enable me to prevent myself from self harming although the battle that goes on in my head is nightmarish.
Keep coming on here and keep talking, I have been passed from pillar to post and seem to be managing too well, not applicable for any help and the desire to keep fighting gets rather damp at times. Maybe you need a holiday, time out or maybe a marriage counsellor to just get the truth out as to what is going on, either way, you need answers not drink and a blade, trust me on that one.
BDT
Re: Alone, forever ? Dark, eternally?
Rob Kemp wrote:Alone again, naturally!
Whilst my Wife may have had her own breakdown 15+ years ago - before we met, she hasn't exactly been as helpful as she thinks she is.
Yes, my 'coming out' as depressed isn't easy but I can't have it being about her - I have (as pointed out by Counsellor) been a people pleaser all my life - I'm 46 end of August 2012..........
Sometimes, I would just like a cuddle and some words of comfort - if she was as enthused with being positive as she is with pointing out all that I do wrong
I would consider our relationship 'balanced' - I'm not lazy, I work hard and do my share of housework.
I am respectful, spontaneously romantic and kind.........she complained of her ex that he neglected her physical needs, now it is she who is doing the same to me. She told my GP (I asked her to come along) that I'm 'Gropey and oversexualised' - in fairness, I only try to kiss the back of her neck, she used to enjoy this, or I gently kiss and caress her in bed to arouse her - again, as we used to during the heady days of love making - we also used to sleep naked but now she's rampantly against it, and even shouted at me when she couldn't find pjs and I suggested going au naturel for a change.
I do miss our intimacy but feel so lonely that I am barely able to receive - at her beckoning control 'hand holding' and 'peck on the cheek'.
I have pondered if she's seeing someone else but I have no proof.
I do feel so terribly lonely. Not just physically, I can't talk about 'ME', the real me, the me who enjoys this and that as she makes fun of my interests.
All too often I self harm or have urges and feel like killing myself every darn day. I even researched how many paracetamol I could take to do the job properly and alcohol of course, I'd then finish with a blade across the veins and drift off. Jumping from on high doesn't appeal - pain and all that!
Knowing my (bad) luck, I'd survive - imagine that? Not even being able to kill yourself properly.
Most of the time, I can see no hope, no light and feel in a tunnel of endless darkness and gloom..............
maybe one day we could have one night together.
Rihanna - Only Girl (In The World) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa14VNsdSYM
Just_Me
Re: Alone, forever ? Dark, eternally?
maybe one day we could have one night together.
Rihanna - Only Girl (In The World) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa14VNsdSYM
Not really sure that's helpful tbh
BDT
Re: Alone, forever ? Dark, eternally?
Just_Me wrote:maybe one day we could have one night together.
Rihanna - Only Girl (In The World) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa14VNsdSYM
Not really sure that's helpful tbh
oh are you the wife sorry.
BDT
Re: Alone, forever ? Dark, eternally?
Just_Me wrote:maybe one day we could have one night together.
Rihanna - Only Girl (In The World) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa14VNsdSYM
Not really sure that's helpful tbh
i'm sorry for upsetting you.
No I'm not and you didn't
Dalia
Re: Alone, forever ? Dark, eternally?
Hi, don't think I could stay while being treated like you are.
Try to insist she pays attention to what you must tell her, you can't go on much longer feeling the way you do or you may................
Sorry it makes me so angry when people who are supposed to love us just don't want to know how we realy feel, so blinkered and selfish.
Sounds like you have to help yourself, with no back-up thats so hard.
But now you have the black dog tribers it may be just what you need to get it all out in the open, instead of bottling it all inside.
So if she won't/can't listen to you WE WILL.
Be kind to yourself, you have an illness and need help, just like the rest of us on this site, so your not alone anymore.
Kind thoughts.
Try to insist she pays attention to what you must tell her, you can't go on much longer feeling the way you do or you may................
Sorry it makes me so angry when people who are supposed to love us just don't want to know how we realy feel, so blinkered and selfish.
Sounds like you have to help yourself, with no back-up thats so hard.
But now you have the black dog tribers it may be just what you need to get it all out in the open, instead of bottling it all inside.
So if she won't/can't listen to you WE WILL.
Be kind to yourself, you have an illness and need help, just like the rest of us on this site, so your not alone anymore.
Kind thoughts.
Rob Kemp
Re: Alone, forever ? Dark, eternally?
Thanks everyone, I appreciate all the comments.
Reaching out to you all and talking does help
Reaching out to you all and talking does help