I feel this is a trivial problem, one that so many other people face and overcome.
It has come up many times since I have had my children, who are at school but are still at an age that, when they are not at school they need to be cared for by a responsible adult = me.
Now I have a therapist and it is easy to get to my regular appointment, in term time. The holidays are coming up and I am worrying about how to get to that regular appointment when I have two very children to take care of. My partners default position is 'Ask his mum' but she is going away for exactly the time that I need help. Suddenly I feel how isolated and helpless I am, total responsibility, with no one to turn to no one I feel I can ask. To ask for one child is OK, but they are both so different, age and sex, I feel it is a big ask of anyone to have both, even for only 2 hours which is all this would be.
It reminds me of the helplessness I experienced in caring for them when they were small. My partner works some distance away, and, although he always said to call him if I had a problem, when I was desperate and did so, his answer was that I should call his mum.
In turn I am reminded by all the bad things that I have done as a mother, the shouting, throwing things, unreasonable and appalling behaviour just because I was desperate for peace, sleep, a break, time alone, little pointless freedoms denied because I felt I had no one to ask, thngs I did not want to admit to myself let alone another human being who would judge me.
It's all taking me into a very dark and miserable place............