Advice needed

I'm 33 years old and I've been unemployed since last July. My last job was as a business manager for a company that was run by my partner. I've OCD and it plagued me during my time working there. The business closed in July and I haven't worked since.
My OCD has been present since about the age of 7. I've been on Fluvoxamine, Citalopram and a couple of others that I can't remember. The side effects were always quite bad for me, especially when I was working as I was dizzy and tired all the time.
As a result I cope by drinking. I drink almost every day. Not huge amounts, most days it's just one or two glasses of alcohol, but when I go out I drink to the point of ridiculousness.
I daren't go out on my own, I don't leave the flat for 4 or 5 days at a time. The idea of starting a new job fills me with complete dread, I even quit a job after 3 days because I was so uncomfortable being around people.
In short something is incredibly wrong. I was assesed by the mental health team several years ago where I was told that I was an alcoholic, they were going to put me on medication to help me stop drinking and I was going to receive help with my OCD and my other mental health problems. I got very scared and didn't go back until a year later when I realised I really needed the help. When I went back to the mentl health team I was told I was fine and that I should continue with my medication. I feel like I've been let down by the health service, my doctor even admitted to me that it was likely due to cutbacks that they didn't offer me the same help as before. My doctor did manage to get me CBT and councelling and while I found the councelling very helpful, the CBT didn't help me at all. Because one of my compulsions is the need to over think everything, I thought through the CBT in such a way that I convinced myself it wouldn't work.
I keep replaying bad things that have happened over and over in my head.
The older I get the worse I feel I am getting.
I can't seem to cope with life and I don't know what to do. I feel like I am letting my partner down. I feel like I am letting everyone down. in the last six months I had even turned to drugs to help me "escape".
I really need some help and advice. What should I say to my doctor? Is there anyone else I can speak to? I don't feel like I am capable of working. I keep thinking it would be a relief to everyone if I wasn't here anymore, I get the urge to run away sometimes. I need some help.

Kenickie hi,

Your story is so familiar to me. I am a therapist and I use an eclectic approach to my work because I don't believe that one size fits all.

I have helped may people with many complex conditions and issues. Two months back I completed a 9 week programme with a client who had issues with alcohol, drugs, depression, employment related problems and several life long issues.

I checked in with him this week and he still hasn't touched alcohol or drugs since week three, he has come off his antidepressants, is now working for himself and has almost doubled his income. Oh, and lost 7lb.

I am CBT qualified but I rarely use it because my other modalities are much faster and more effective. I use Thought Field Therapy (TFT) to tap straight into emotional issues and eradicate their debilitating effects. I use Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) to bring about changes in how you think about and approach life. Hypnotherapy creates change at an unconscious level and consolidates all the modalities and processes and I also use several other simple but powerful processes.

I help clients via skype but you may wish to visit a local therapist? I will check with my register of colleagues and post some addresses for you later.

If however in the meantime you wish to contact me for some more information my email is:

elaine@elainechamberspractice.co.uk OR

visit my web site to see how the therapies work:

http://www.elainechamberspractice.co.uk

Alternatively go tell your GP to look on their NHS directory for alternative practitioners who combine TFT, NLP and Hypnotherapy. It's a very powerful and effective mix of approaches for people in your situation.

If you are in a position to pay, you should google TFT practitioners in your area.

I hope this helps.

Elaine

I'm 33 years old and I've been unemployed since last July. My last job was as a business manager for a company that was run by my partner. I've OCD and it plagued me during my time working there. The business closed in July and I haven't worked since.
My OCD has been present since about the age of 7. I've been on Fluvoxamine, Citalopram and a couple of others that I can't remember. The side effects were always quite bad for me, especially when I was working as I was dizzy and tired all the time.
As a result I cope by drinking. I drink almost every day. Not huge amounts, most days it's just one or two glasses of alcohol, but when I go out I drink to the point of ridiculousness.
I daren't go out on my own, I don't leave the flat for 4 or 5 days at a time. The idea of starting a new job fills me with complete dread, I even quit a job after 3 days because I was so uncomfortable being around people.
In short something is incredibly wrong. I was assesed by the mental health team several years ago where I was told that I was an alcoholic, they were going to put me on medication to help me stop drinking and I was going to receive help with my OCD and my other mental health problems. I got very scared and didn't go back until a year later when I realised I really needed the help. When I went back to the mentl health team I was told I was fine and that I should continue with my medication. I feel like I've been let down by the health service, my doctor even admitted to me that it was likely due to cutbacks that they didn't offer me the same help as before. My doctor did manage to get me CBT and councelling and while I found the councelling very helpful, the CBT didn't help me at all. Because one of my compulsions is the need to over think everything, I thought through the CBT in such a way that I convinced myself it wouldn't work.
I keep replaying bad things that have happened over and over in my head.
The older I get the worse I feel I am getting.
I can't seem to cope with life and I don't know what to do. I feel like I am letting my partner down. I feel like I am letting everyone down. in the last six months I had even turned to drugs to help me "escape".
I really need some help and advice. What should I say to my doctor? Is there anyone else I can speak to? I don't feel like I am capable of working. I keep thinking it would be a relief to everyone if I wasn't here anymore, I get the urge to run away sometimes. I need some help.

Hi Kenickie, I too have a similar story to yours. The only difference is that I’m a little older (42!!) and I’ve been un-employed for about 4 years. After having to give up my job after a breakdown about 6 years ago, I found myself in a tangled web of medication and counselling. It really helped me through the worst of it but I feel like I’m still struggling. My problem is, is that because I made the choice to stop medication, as it was real heavy stuff and I have a family to look after. Also, that I started the Open University to help with my confidence and stop me from vegetating. That I’m now deems as fit for work!! But, like you it scares me as I know there is no way I can hold down a job. I don’t go out on my own, I have been asked why and it’s funny as I don’t really know. It feels like I’m scared of everything. Dogs, even though there is none by me! My neighbours watching me!!! (Why would they???) Even that I will fall over!!! I know it is silly but they are real to me.
I also have underline conditions, dyslexia and dyspraxia, which there is no help in my local area for me because of cuts. So they put me on group courses that do not look at me as in individual and force me to look for jobs that I know I have no chance of keeping. Also the fact that I have to either get a taxi for wait for someone to give me a lift. So when I have to go the anxiety kicks in and I drink more and either not turn up as I feel ill or I go and feel Ill and when I’m there and disengages or have to walk out .
I also self harm so It’s hard to find a counsellor to see me so I struggle on. But I know my family worry about me but It makes it harder, as my husband works all the hours god sends to support me and I’m sitting here feeling sorry for me self. He is so supportive and I should be happy with that but then I hold a lot of guilt which then don’t help.
They say that being in the deep black hole is the worst place you’ll ever be but I think they have no idea, because most of the time I feel I would be better off in crises then trying to be in recovery as there is no help for you helping yourself!!
I hope me sharing a piece of my story with you don’t fill you with dread but fills you with hope that you’re not on your own and even though the government are making cuts they can’t cut us from helping each other. Only we know us!!! Stay strong x

Thanks elaine and Neema. Sorry for the late reply. I have been feeling a fair bit better the last couple of weeks. I can feel the OCD getting worse (it always seems to in Spring/summer, no idea why) but I'm coping a lot better. I've even taken some positive steps, I might be staring a University course this year. I'm still looking into it, but I'm being positive.
It really meant a lot that you both took the time to reply. Thanks so much.

Kenickie hi,

I'm furious and frustrated with the poor way that this forum works. I wish they would get someone else to manage it! I know I'm not the only one who has problems navigating my way around it.

I spent an hour drafting a very helpful reply to your post and when I hit "full editor" it disappeared and asked me to log on again! Of course the whole thing was gone by then!

I now have a client due in five minutes and so I can't repeat the reply.

Maybe I will try again tomorrow between clients.

Kenickie hi,

Been a while since I was on the forum, I've been busy with clients, training courses and conferences, not to mention taking a few days out to look after my grandsons while my daughter and son-in-law had a romantic anniversary break in Rome. Hmmm!

My last reply to your post was full of gggrrr, for which I apologise but I was finding it increasingly frustrating navigating the forum and losing my posts.

I was glad to see that you are contemplating starting university this year and I hope that is still in the pipe line? What are you thinking of studying?

Re your "seasonal OCD" try a little time line therapy for yourself as follows:

1.Get comfy where you can relax undisturbed for 30 mins or so, turn phones off.
2.Close your eyes, take five deep breaths and each time you exhale imagine you are stepping down five steps and becoming more relaxed with each step down.
3.At the bottom of the steps you see doors in a corridor. Choose a door step inside and allow your mind to rewind in time as if tracing your steps back in time. e.g. one door you open might lead into a place you worked in, and might contain memories of your work. Another door might be your bedroom when you where a teenager, other doors may contain other memories.

4.But what you are looking for is a time in your life, somewhere round early spring, when something happened that caused you to feel anxious, unsettled, etc.

This anxiety, may have triggered a feeling of wanting to get things in order, or made you want to feel better about something, or took your mind off something you didn't want to face. Maybe you were trying to please someone?

It's called "displacement activity" and often results in something like OCD or even phobias.

I once knew someone who was ill every Christmas day and it was linked to something in their childhood.

I have had dozens of clients with trauma linked behaviour patterns who didn't know what the trigger was until we identified it via Time Line Therapy(TLT.) It is of course much more effective face to face, but we don't have that luxury here.

It's worth noting here that traumas don't always mean being hit by a bus, it just needs to have mattered enough at that time, coupled together perhaps with it not being dealt with properly, or made worse by something else.

When you think you have identified the original trigger, take a mental note of it. To confirm that that is the actual trigger, check back just before the incident to see if you had OCD tendencies before that date. If it is the actual trigger then you will not recall OCD tendencies before that date.

Then take a deep breath and exhale saying RELAX then with each breath count yourself back up the five steps and back to alertness. Then congratulate yourself for your open mindedness and willingness to heal yourself.

If you had success in identifying the trigger come back on the forum and I will explain what to do next. Even if you didn't identify it, let me know what happened.

good luck!

Elaine

Thanks elaine and Neema. Sorry for the late reply. I have been feeling a fair bit better the last couple of weeks. I can feel the OCD getting worse (it always seems to in Spring/summer, no idea why) but I'm coping a lot better. I've even taken some positive steps, I might be staring a University course this year. I'm still looking into it, but I'm being positive.
It really meant a lot that you both took the time to reply. Thanks so much.

Hi again Elaine, it's been a little while since I've been on here again, my apologies for that. I'm going to try this later today, I'll let you know how I get on. Thanks so much for your help.

I've applied to do a Cert HE in music production and business at an online school. By doing it online I'm hoping it will build my confidence to the point where I'll be able to face going to a local uni.