kenickie wrote:I'm 33 years old and I've been unemployed since last July. My last job was as a business manager for a company that was run by my partner. I've OCD and it plagued me during my time working there. The business closed in July and I haven't worked since.
My OCD has been present since about the age of 7. I've been on Fluvoxamine, Citalopram and a couple of others that I can't remember. The side effects were always quite bad for me, especially when I was working as I was dizzy and tired all the time.
As a result I cope by drinking. I drink almost every day. Not huge amounts, most days it's just one or two glasses of alcohol, but when I go out I drink to the point of ridiculousness.
I daren't go out on my own, I don't leave the flat for 4 or 5 days at a time. The idea of starting a new job fills me with complete dread, I even quit a job after 3 days because I was so uncomfortable being around people.
In short something is incredibly wrong. I was assesed by the mental health team several years ago where I was told that I was an alcoholic, they were going to put me on medication to help me stop drinking and I was going to receive help with my OCD and my other mental health problems. I got very scared and didn't go back until a year later when I realised I really needed the help. When I went back to the mentl health team I was told I was fine and that I should continue with my medication. I feel like I've been let down by the health service, my doctor even admitted to me that it was likely due to cutbacks that they didn't offer me the same help as before. My doctor did manage to get me CBT and councelling and while I found the councelling very helpful, the CBT didn't help me at all. Because one of my compulsions is the need to over think everything, I thought through the CBT in such a way that I convinced myself it wouldn't work.
I keep replaying bad things that have happened over and over in my head.
The older I get the worse I feel I am getting.
I can't seem to cope with life and I don't know what to do. I feel like I am letting my partner down. I feel like I am letting everyone down. in the last six months I had even turned to drugs to help me "escape".
I really need some help and advice. What should I say to my doctor? Is there anyone else I can speak to? I don't feel like I am capable of working. I keep thinking it would be a relief to everyone if I wasn't here anymore, I get the urge to run away sometimes. I need some help.
kenickie wrote:Thanks elaine and Neema. Sorry for the late reply. I have been feeling a fair bit better the last couple of weeks. I can feel the OCD getting worse (it always seems to in Spring/summer, no idea why) but I'm coping a lot better. I've even taken some positive steps, I might be staring a University course this year. I'm still looking into it, but I'm being positive.
It really meant a lot that you both took the time to reply. Thanks so much.